Session 5, Week 5
During our 3rd Parent Night this past Thursday, we (parents) practiced being “comfortable with the uncomfortable.” We shared our thoughts about hard questions such as motivation, excellent work, overwhelm, the heroes’ system of self governance and other questions that do not have a clear cut, right and wrong answer. For many of us who like order and answers and a clear path forward, it is uncomfortable to sit in ambiguity. Letting our children take charge of their own learning is uncomfortable. It moves parents from a place of control to a place of mentorship. Thank you parents for being willing to be in that uncomfortable place. Thank you for being willing to experiment and explore and mentor your child, giving them the opportunity to develop and grow on their journey. Your heroes do this every day. They are learning to be comfortable with the uncomfortable…
In the Spark Studio we see heroes pushing through the uncomfortable daily as they are learning how to read – read words and read emotions. Just as emerging literacy readers may mistake a “b” for a “d”, emerging emotional readers may mistake a “laugh with”, for a “laugh at”. When a hero put on a mustache he knew the laughter was good fun. But when there was talk of a visitor with a duplicate name, the hero that was hearing his name didn’t initially understand the laughter that happened. A little bit of reflecting about when they have experienced others dealing with duplicate names helped him read the situation more accurately, and he is one step closer to being a fluent emotional reader.
A few heroes felt the pull of Mr. and Mrs. Victim extra strong this week during their Language works. One hero pushed back again and again. However, after many tears of failure, and not giving up, – which is uncomfortable – he celebrated his perseverance triumphantly. Another hero has found joy in writing her own book. When invited to edit her writing, she was noticeably uncomfortable. However, the goal of making a great story was a strong enough pull and she was willing to enter the discomfort and edit her story. The chopstick work in the practical life area proved a great challenge for one hero. She tried over and over to get the hold correct and make the chopsticks move. She failed over and over, yet continued to choose that work day after day after day. These heroes continued to choose the uncomfortable until they reached their goal .
Learning how to use the tools around us can be an adventure. We have a microwave in the Spark Studio. Sometimes we burn things. Sometimes our food is under cooked and still cold. At this point in the year it’s really amazing to see the heroes ask one another for support in knowing how much time would be the right amount of time in the microwave. Lately, we have been practicing using a sharp knife. There are a few heroes that haven’t felt ready to embark on that journey yet. Sharp knives are still uncomfortable and scary to them and yet they watch with awe as others try their hand at cutting.
Spark heroes experience discomfort as they practice and develop their gross motor skills. This year heroes have warmed up to developing precision and control for activities that used to feel uncomfortable. Several heroes have felt triumphant as they have tried new activities they used to avoid. Sometimes they trip up, but they are up for the adventure and know how to get back up.
At the beginning of the year, heroes would instinctively come to the guide to report a bump or bruise. Perhaps they felt like they didn’t know how to help, and perhaps it was uncomfortable when you can’t take someone’s hurt away. Now I see heroes more confident and when one hero notices a fallen hero, they call out to notify all the heroes. They feel confident in helping when they can, and valued when the only thing they can offer is empathy. Several heroes will rally around and usually the comfort of knowing others care is all that is needed to bounce back. One day this week, a hero cut her knee. The guide was aware of the fall, but saw value in the heroes caring for each other and watched from a distance. They didn’t feel the need to ask the guide for help, but several asked permission to go get a band-aid or a wet towel. It’s beautiful how calmly they can work together in situations that used to cause panic.
Just as they stumble when they are practicing gross motor skills, we sometimes trip up with our emotional skills. I was noticing a lot of emotional falls this week, yet the heroes are so much better at figuratively getting back up. They have become more confident in the process of working through things and often a guide can just be aware and watch it be worked out without any adult intervention.
One day this week, we thought about how “thinking of our favorite things” can help our mindset. The quest challenge was to make a list of our favorite things (some didn’t want their favorite things posted, and others put theirs to music). It can be uncomfortable to write without being told how to spell words, but pushing through the uncomfortable is a critical step in many journeys.
Fire Studio heroes experience discomfort in many different ways. Here are a few of the many ways we witnessed them practice being more comfortable with the uncomfortable just this week:
One hero was uncomfortably hungry during morning work and could not snack because of his Yellow Freedom Level parameters. He wandered around a bit before being encouraged by his Running Partner to return to his work for the rest of the work cycle. He made it through to the next activity, and shortly afterwards – lunch!
One hero encountered a logic grid puzzle, which was unfamiliar to her. As a hero who excels in many fields, she found this puzzle was surprisingly difficult. However, after a remarkable effort, she came to check her answers against the key. Her joy when she saw she had completed it correctly seemed well worth the discomfort she experienced along the way.
A first year FS hero submitted an issue in Town Hall. She is finding her voice in the studio and I can detect the discomfort she is pushing through to share her opinion in a way that will be commented about and voted on immediately afterward. But she courageously faced that discomfort and shared her voice anyway.
One hero seemed uncomfortable about joining an end of the day discussion. He didn’t want to miss out, but he also was aware of a fellow traveler sitting sadly in the other half of the studio. In the end, I saw him decide to spend that discussion time sitting with his sad friend, sharing a vulnerable time when he felt similar, and then making him laugh with jokes he made up specifically for that friend. It can be uncomfortable to enter and sit with someone else’s hurt, but both heroes left each other feeling better than before.
At the Final GRIT challenge, one hero found himself in a very uncomfortable position–at the end of a diving board for the first time in his life. He jumped right into that discomfort again and again until he was comfortable with the low dive and ready to challenge himself even more by jumping off the high dive!
This week at the start of quest we played a game where you stand in a circle and grab hands across the circle with two different people and then have to unwind the knot that is created. You are quickly forced into close proximity and twisted postures with lots of people, like it or not!
It was a good metaphor for this second half of the Fire Studio quest where the 7 squads of heroes are needing to work closely as business teams to brainstorm, delegate, and problem-solve. Almost every squad has a few heroes who see things very differently from each other as they cooperatively design and organize their food court business. The differences of opinion occasionally lead to conflict, but more often at CHOICE the reaction is instead to think through the tools and processes they’ve developed or been offered and figure out which one to try. Guides and others heroes reinforce often that trials are a given on a hero’s journey, and rather than trying to escape or avoid them, sitting in the discomfort of the trial can often lead to insights to its resolution. Discomfort isn’t bad, it can be an indicator of the next trial on one’s hero’s journey. One guide reflected that the day-to-day interpersonal trials of learning in a school like ours would have probably been paralyzing or friendship-threatening for her as a child, as she didn’t have the tools to work through them. In contrast, she watches the heroes being equipped with an expectation of and excitement towards the next discomfort they can learn to get comfortable with!
In the DELTA Studio, usually by Week 5, there is a bustle and energy that only comes from being close to presenting at Exhibition. Having deadlines, making last minute changes to designs, waiting on coding parts or iPads, the unknown if a build will even work, discussions where you have opinions different from others…. all can be uncomfortable. Although this is a pattern each session, the discomfort exists because there is always change and adaptation at CHOICE. This is a pattern happening all throughout life. We try new things, go through hard moments and hopefully remember we make it through while improving, growing, and gaining confidence in our abilities. I sit back in awe at what experiences these DELTA heroes are having already at their age compared to my own experiences. Next week for the Exhibition, they may feel uncomfortable, nervous, or even awkward presenting to all the parents and friends, yet they do it! While each time learning to own their work and stories of the last 6 weeks.
Civ is an exceptionally good time to get comfortable with the uncomfortable because there are rarely (if ever) correct and easy answers. World history is messy and complex. This week, the heroes discussed the Vietnam war. We had the exceptional privilege of having a Vietnam POW come in and share his story. There is no way to grasp the depth of his experience in a short 30 minute Q & A session, but his comment “Freedom is for those who are willing and able to defend it” will stick with many of us for a long time.
Life is full of challenges and discomfort. We can do our best to avoid the discomfort, or we can embrace the uncomfortable and push ourselves and grow. I love watching our heroes daily practice encountering and persevering through discomfort. It helps them be more comfortable amid the uncomfortable–and what a gift that ability will be to them throughout their lifelong hero’s journey!