Session 3, Week 2
“A good friend always teaches you something, even if the lesson isn’t easy.” Dana Jo Graslie. While I don’t know much about Dana Jo Graslie, she nailed friendship in this quote. Amongst all heroes of all ages, we witness their highs and lows of friendship on a daily basis. Sometimes it is hard for us not to step in when those lessons are tough, but as we step back, observe and perhaps introduce tools or provide a forum for sharing, we are continually surprised by the beautiful lessons learned.
The Spark Studio is a magical place where even if there has been some dissonance in the friendships, the heroes bounce back and are ready to come together harmoniously again.
Common interests bring friends together. Many heroes this week have been experimenting with hula hoops. They have strengthened their friendship with the excitement of discovering how to perform a variety of tricks.
Friendship means celebrating wins together, feeling the losses together, and supporting one another through both.
Heroes spend so much of their day collaborating and playing with others. Sometimes we just want to be alone. Friendship is learning to respect those boundaries.
Sometimes it is hard to include everyone and work together, but heroes find a way. For example, when these heroes were making friendship bracelets, one hero decided he could be the “popper”. He pops out smaller beads that are stuck into larger beads.
Because we get accustomed to practicing friendship skills in certain scenarios, we often are left feeling unsure how to navigate friendship in other scenarios. We may not know how to approach someone with different interests. We may feel we don’t know if there are unwritten rules about interactions with someone with different abilities, and we may have a hard time reading cues from others that process information differently. It is heartwarming to see how heroes are eager to initiate friendships in new scenarios when given a few ideas of how to interact, and being open about what to expect.
Heroes were curious to see if their new friend Charlotte is as tall as they are!
Mixing all the studios into their buddy groups is often chaotic during transitions and takes some extra effort. It is so worth it though! Heroes practice mentoring. Heroes are able to be part of something they couldn’t do on their own. They are involved in selfless service and they are practicing how to be friends with people of varying ages. The DS heroes (older) have been amazing at including the FS and SS heroes (younger) in decision making so they all have a voice within their team. Here are pictures of planning meetings:
However, I’m not sure which I enjoy more, watching the studios plan and work together, or watching them organically play together during outside time!
We love playing with our parents too!
The Fire Studio often gathers after Silent Core Skills block to share with each other encounters they had that morning with Mr. Resistance, Mrs. Distraction, or Mr. & Mrs. Victimhood. Heroes enjoy hearing each other’s battles with one of the monsters, but it’s amazing to see the vital role that friendships also play in helping each other come through victorious in these battles.
Sometimes a friend shows up as a running partner to encourage a hero to move forward in the direction of their goal. Sometimes a friend steps back, committing not to become a distraction while the other is trying to focus. Sometimes a friend is there to answer a question and guide a fellow traveler through a sticky point. Sometimes a friend is there to soothe the disappointment of a failed math challenge. And always a friend is there to celebrate when that math test is finally conquered.
During collaborative time, friends are there to play and learn together!
Heroes loved exploring Hanukkah traditions together.
The Explore tables are providing beautiful opportunities to work and learn together.
In particular, heroes are learning that the “zippy zips” work so much better when you have a friend to help you build it. It is inspiring to listen to them plan, build, fail, and then plan and build again without losing energy!
Friends often take opposing sides of Socratic discussions. Questions this week about, “What do friends contribute to our lives?”, “Are friends necessary?”, and “Why do we speak unkindly about others behind their backs?” brought great discussions – sometimes heated debates. But at the end of the conversation, heroes are still as good of friends as ever. At CHOICE, friends are learning and practicing each day that they can have different learning goals, different strengths and different opinions, and still be friends. They are learning and discovering first hand how their differences can make not only their friendships stronger, but the whole Fire Studio stronger as well.
P.E. has had its ups and downs in the Fire Studio. Heroes have had discussions afterwards about being more respectful and listening to the leader, whether or not they should play a certain game, and how to lose gracefully. It is lovely to watch them keep going and figure it out!
When heroes were not with their inter studio buddy groups during Quest, the FS heroes were busy preparing decorations and gifts to give to their new friends at the party.
The Fire Studio also enjoyed attending the Kona Karate Studio this week where they were physically challenged while hearing from the instructors about the importance of kindness, compassion, and believing in who they are. It was such a positive environment and we all left a little sweaty!
An argument could be made that the pre-teens and teenagers of the DELTA Studio feel the highs and lows of friendships stronger than any other studio. It is a time of life where feelings are intense. Just this week we felt the lows of truly hurting a hero’s feelings during Town Hall. Guides sat back and observed while it was happening and then afterwards pondered on what launch to give or tool they could introduce. Before a guide did anything, the heroes came together, shared, discussed and strove to repair the hurt they had caused. It was beautiful to watch young people of that age engage in organic, honest and humble self reflection without any prompting. Watching the hugs the next day as heroes apologized and forgave one another was truly a beautiful moment (and one not to be spoiled by taking a picture!).
This session has been a great chance for DELTA heroes to reflect on the meaning, importance, and dynamics of friendships. They’ve discussed questions like, how does technology affect friendships? Would you rather have more friends, or deeper friendships? Why are friendships with other age groups important? Sometimes the mixed aged friendships are challenging for the older heroes. It takes a lot of patience and would be easier on their own. And then sometimes they are truly incredible and end up in beautiful moments like an impromptu multi age band making “music” around the school!
Heroes’ empathy muscles are growing as they work with younger heroes, get familiar with various special needs, and prepare fun events for the party they’re throwing on Monday afternoon.
The DELTA heroes also loved Kona Karate this week. Every one of them chose to fully participate and engage.
As we were leaving, the instructor commented to me on the unique group of middle schoolers we have. “There is a different vibe about them. Whatever is happening, keep it up.” When I asked the DELTA heroes what they thought contributed to their different vibe, their answers were varied: “respect”, “we interact more often”, “positive”, “because we are kind and don’t use phones at school”, “we probably had more control”, “we can be mature”, “we were told to be very respectful and we didn’t want to be rude so we tried extra hard”, “cuz we luv each other deep down”, “we have a better idea of ourselves”, “friendship”, “we are all kind to each other and this studio has a good culture”, “I don’t know, we were hard workers”, “we are all kind and we all know each other”, “we are willing to work hard and be friendly”, “we are willing to give each other feedback and hold each other accountable and still be kind”, “I didn’t notice any ‘vibe.'”, and “we are really close to each other”.
Whatever the cause of the vibe, I agree with the instructor. Our DELTA heroes, and Fire Studio heroes and Spark heroes are unique. They do have their ups and downs in friendship. They hurt one another’s feelings. They leave heroes out. They don’t choose to engage themselves. They don’t always want to work together. I am continually surprised by, and grateful for their willingness to try. Their willingness to have a difficult conversation. Their willingness to include someone who is different or has different interests. Their willingness to try again. Ultimately, their willingness to reach out a hand of friendship to all heroes. As they try and fail and try again they are becoming increasingly aware and compassionate human beings. I am so grateful to have friends like them and to learn the lessons they can teach me.